Go Hard or Go Home
“Go Hard or Go Home” used to be my mantra. So was “You sleep when you’re dead” and “If you’re not living on the edge you’re taking up too much room”!
Really, it’s not hard to see why I burnt myself out so totally!
It’s been a long journey to get to where I am now, but “Go Hard or Go Home” is still my go-to, just in a very different way.
The difference is that I used to do everything, and I mean EVERYTHING – Except rest that is.
Now, I decide what I want and I do it! No half-arsing –
“Maximum Effort”!
Chronic illness has moved from being my biggest source of upset, to my greatest learning experience, and the catalyst for the most wonderful and positive change in my life.
The less I could physically and mentally do, the more I had to be incredibly selective in where, how, and with whom, I expended my very limited and valuable energy.
This was a learning experience in itself – I had no idea how thinly I had been spreading myself and how hard I found it to say “no”!
The invaluable rules that I eventually managed to work with were:
- “No” is a complete sentence.
- If it’s not “Fuck Yes!”, it’s “No”.
Honestly, life’s too short to do things you don’t really want to!
It’s not a dress rehearsal and you’re not getting out alive!
Let’s start with Rule 1: It sounds simple, but we tend to water ourselves down when it really comes down to it.
1.) “No” is a complete sentence
If you do not commit to your own boundaries then nobody else will.
Even if you struggle with this at first, be conscious of the words you use as a starting point –
Don’t kneecap your sentences!
If you are not comfortable with something, say that, NOT –
- “MAYBE you could stop that”.
- “Can you JUST stop”.
- “That SORT OF offends me”.
You get the idea? You are undermining yourself, so keep an eye out for those words.
Also check – are you smiling while you make your request because you don’t want to be labeled as “stroppy” or “difficult”?
DON’T!
If you want to be taken seriously, then be serious.
If you’re reading this because, like me, you haven’t been taught, or allowed to have, boundaries and the resulting pain and exhaustion has become too much, then huge congratulations on looking to make a change – In honouring yourself you will be an example to others, helping to change the world, one person at a time.
If you keep having the same interpersonal issues in life, feeling hurt and let-down in the same ways over and over, it’s probably because you don’t have established boundaries, and are allowing the same patterns of behaviour in to your life a a result.
As you start being mindful of your words, the rest will start to follow. Your subconscious hears and believes everything you say, and that includes your inner voice, so when you hear those ‘kneecapping’ phrases – get rid of them and start to consider what it is that you’re truly trying to say.
Which leads me to rule No.2! –
2.) If it’s not “Fuck yes!”, it’s “No”.
Now – just to prove that I am as human as everyone else, worrying and doubting myself – I agonised for AGES about whether or not to actually write ‘Fuck’!
What if I lost followers? What if people wouldn’t want to be a client if I swore?
Well tough! I do swear!
I advocate authenticity, so how can I pretend to be something other than who I am?
Anyone who knows me knows that I am pretty incapable of not swearing! Or “using sentence enhancers”! I do, of course, try very hard to avoid it around children, though most parents I know also swear! Also, with tv and video games the way they are, plus so much available online, you can guarantee that kids are hearing far worse – I don’t agree with it, but it’s a fact. At least it’s not used in anger or bullying by me.
If you do get offended by words that are labelled as “rude” then I would be very interested to know why… Have you ever asked yourself that question? Please know that my intention is never to offend.
For those of you who also use swear words as punctuation when you’re excited – you are my tribe!
That aside – If it’s not “Fuck yes!”, it’s “No”, so if you’re umming and ahhing about a decision, or find yourself using the “should” word, have a good hard think about who you’re doing this for, stop wasting energy on the decision and
‘Just say “No”!’.
My only caveat to this is – don’t use it as an excuse if you’re actually just scared… I’m not going to make this easy for you!
The bottom line is that this is all about learning about yourself, your feelings, needs and wants, and going all-in to make sure they’re met, or consciously allowing them not to be met.
You can NOT pour from an empty cup. The more you learn to love, value and care for yourself, the better you will exponentially become at loving & caring for others. Don’t judge yourself harshly and you will stop judging others.
Everything comes from the inside out. Go hard or go home!
Want to learn more? You know what to do! Get in touch.
